Parched

I woke up this morning and from the time I was conscious I had the first few lines of Gungor's song "Dry Bones" in my head:

My soul cries out;
My soul cries out for You.
These bones cry out;
These dry bones cry to You.

These words tend to transport my thoughts to Ezekiel's vision of the valley of dry bones and to David's lament in Psalm 102. And I identify with those bones lately.

Bluntly, I've been parched the past few days. Spiritual dryness. Even failure. I hate that desert, even though I traveled there on my own. I'm desperate to be rid of whatever little idols I'm holding onto that weigh me down and to run to the oasis where Jesus is waiting on me. Or maybe to the place up ahead where He's just holding a small canteen. Anything.

So the Gungor song was incredibly appropriate for my mind to wake up with. I poured my coffee (which, ironically, is a diuretic when consumed in very large quantities) and took my Bible with me onto the deck in the back of our house, stepping into the misty early morning dawn.

My eyes were greeted by a cluster of shadowy figures standing not too far away in the field behind our house. As my vision adjusted to the meager 4:55 AM light, I was able to make out the shape of six deer staring back at me. Immediately the words scrolled through my head: "As the deer longs for streams of water, so I long for you, O God." Wow.

I don't know how you react to the little things that God puts in place, but my response to Him was, "Very cool. Thank you for letting me know You hear me." It was like jumping into a river.

I sat down at the deck table to read the devotional for the day from Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest. I love the book -- often hits me between the eyes -- but I rarely use it for a devotional because there's so little Scripture in it. The verse fragment of the day was from 1 Peter 2:9: "you are... a royal priesthood..." As I typically do when I use My Utmost for His Highest, I decided to read the entire chapter that the verse of the day was taken from. In this case it was 1 Peter 2.

I was quite stunned when I read verse 2-3: "Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, now that you have had a taste of the Lord’s kindness."

Cry out. My soul cries out. These dry bones cry for You.

...Jesus stood and shouted to the crowds, “Anyone who is thirsty may come to me! Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.’”
John 7:37-38, NLT

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What To Do With Those Stinking Hypocrites

Some people are worth our help, our grace, and our forgiveness. But some are worthless. Right?

No? I fear that evidence in our lives proves that many of us hold to this philosophy.

Over the past couple of years I've had the opportunity to share some of my past -- some things of which I'm not at all proud -- with a few brothers in Christ. Not at some group confessional, but in one-on-one situations when I've felt that some of my screw-ups (rather, their solutions) would help those friends in situations they've been going through.

The reason they're able to listen to those stories and not write me off as a completely dispicable person is that they know I'm not still that guy. I've had to repent of some big things, and now my goal, my desire, is to continually change to be conformed to the image of Jesus. Some of you, probably most of you, would give me that same grace given current conditions. You may know me personally or have read enough here to know that I don't want to be the old Dean anymore, and that God has done some serious things in my life. He's made minor and massive "adjustments" that were painful to me, seemed illogical, and weren't even changes I wanted for myself.

But what if you knew me when I was going through those situations? What if you knew that I called myself a Christian yet I did things that completely belied that description; things you'd probably call "evil" without a second thought? (No, I've not killed anyone or done anything nearly so heinous as that.)

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Proverbs 26:11

Don't you hate having to go before God and ask Him to forgive you for doing something that wasn't just dumb, but was also something you've done before (about which you've asked Him for forgiveness), and honestly repented of?

"I REALLY won't do this again, Father."

"[sigh...] I'm sure you won't. I forgive you, Dean."

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First Things First?

Yesterday was our fourth "Laundry Project" work day with Loads of Love. One Saturday each month a group of about 10 people go to Five Points Laundromat and wash clothes for people who can use a hand. Our target group is the homeless, but those aren't the only ones who we're able to help. Several have been out of work for long periods of time. Some may be on a (low) fixed income. (I blurred faces in the photo below out of courtesy.)

In talking with one of our clients yesterday about his blog (which I still can't find in spite of the keywords he told me to use), I found out that he's gay. I'd wondered about that, to be honest, because he looks like a guy but he sounds more like a female. He has three blogs: one about helping the homeless in Huntsville, AL, one about stopping smoking, and one about gay and bisexual men. (Since he blogs about these things, I'm not revealing anything he wants to keep private.)

(He's not pictured in the photo.)

Regarding our friend's choice of lifestyle, I wonder what Jesus' response to discovering that info would be (yes, He'd already know, I realize that), and I want to examine what my responses as a follower of Christ should be. Most of my life I've been taught that the proper sort of thing to do would be to let this guy know he's living in sin, and that he needs to turn from it and follow Jesus. In that order.

But isn't Jesus' modus operandi to say, "Follow me"? There isn't a step before that; at least, not one that a human can induce. Conviction of sin is the work of the Holy Spirit.

Part of our preaching (by the "layperson" -- not only "clergy") must be repentance of sin. I'm not denying that or in any way saying that it's not part of our message! But it seems to me that our actual idea of "conversion" is not when someone meets Jesus Christ, but when they stop doing bad stuff. In our theology most of us don't say this, but in practice it guides us.

We also face the struggle of failing to love people and failing to have compassion for them when we focus on their sin and not on their need to know their Creator through Jesus. (See yesterday's post.)

I'm curious about your view on this. There's much I'm leaving out here; I'm just trying to hit the high points. In looking at this, be careful about referring to Matthew 16:24, where Jesus says, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." He was talking to His disciples -- His followers.

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remembering what god has forgotten

A song that David sang, recorded in 2 Samuel 22:21-25:

The Lord rewarded me for doing right;
   he restored me because of my innocence.
For I have kept the ways of the Lord;
   I have not turned from my God to follow evil.
I have followed all his regulations;
   I have never abandoned his decrees.
I am blameless before God;
   I have kept myself from sin.
The Lord rewarded me for doing right.
   He has seen my innocence.

Changing gears slightly, I know what Jesus said about the greatest possible love that we can have: "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13, NLT) I also know what Whitney Houston sang about in 1986 as the greatest possible love we can ever have: "Learning to love yourself; it is the greatest love of all." Those two concepts don't exactly match up.

And here's how much God loves us: "But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners." (Romans 5:8, NLT) And as part of that love, God will forgive us for our sins if we confess and turn from them.

Have you ever done something for which you can't seem to forgive yourself, even after you've pleaded with God for forgiveness and have renounced and forsaken that sin? One reason I've struggled with this over certain things is that I don't want to embrace Whitney Houston's concept of great love. It feels like psychological babble to me to say to myself, "Dean, God has forgiven you; now you have to forgive yourself." But there's no indication in the Word that we're to hang onto past sins in an effort to do penance once God has forgiven us.

Just as I've been saved by God's grace, I'm also forgiven by God's grace alone. Putting myself through the paces of doing penance in an effort to buy back God's favor after my sin is pointless. But the thing is, if I don't put myself through those paces it makes me feel like I'm buying into the Whitney Houston gospel.

That's where I'm wrong.

Apparently David had a firm grasp on the concept that when God forgives, He removes our sin from us "as far as the east is from the west." (David penned that, by the way.)

I'd like for you to go back and read the passage at the beginning of this post, this time bearing in mind that David sang this in his old age, not long before he died. David sang this; the guy who had lusted after a woman so much that he murdered her husband, committed adultery with her, and eventually fathered four sons as a result of that union.

Apparently David actually believed that God had completely forgiven him. I don't know that I'd feel the same if I were in David's shoes, and that bugs me.

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some Scripture for the day

The Psalms give me encouragement in a ton of different situations, whether I'm up, down, or strangely in between. I've pulled together a few verses that I was reminded of after reading the first bit of Psalm 119 today.

As I learn your righteous regulations,
I will thank you by living as I should!
- Psalm 119:7 (NLT)

Not everyone who calls out to me, "Lord! Lord!" will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter.
- Matthew 7:21 (NLT)

Then [Jesus] pointed to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!”
- Matthew 12:49-50 (NLT)

But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.
- James 1:22 (NLT)

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
- Romans 12:1-2 (NLT)

When you come to worship me,
who asked you to parade through my courts with all your ceremony?

Stop bringing me your meaningless gifts;
the incense of your offerings disgusts me!
As for your celebrations of the new moon and the Sabbath
and your special days for fasting—
they are all sinful and false.
I want no more of your pious meetings.
. . .
Wash yourselves and be clean!
Get your sins out of my sight.
Give up your evil ways.

Learn to do good.
Seek justice.
Help the oppressed.
Defend the cause of orphans.
Fight for the rights of widows.
- Isaiah 1:12-13, 16-17

Isaiah 58:1-9 (read this passage via the link)

But at the end of the day, sometimes I realize that I've messed up. I hate to admit that there are times I intentionally move off of this path of righteousness that God has designated for me. And when I take all of those passages, and many others, into account, a very heavy weight winds up on my shoulders.

But the very next verse in Psalm 119 (along with many others, stating that if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins) makes me realize that even those who put Scripture into ink weren't immune to sin:

I will obey your decrees.
Please don’t give up on me!
- Psalm 119:8

"Please don't give up on me." Wow, I identify with that sometimes!

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Things That Stink - Story One

When someone comes to Christ, he is to leave his old ways behind and take on the new nature -- the nature of Christ -- as he moves forward. (Let me clarify that the separation from the old happens after we come to Christ -- trying to become good enough to merit God's favor is an exercise in futility.) Romans 12:1-2 is one of the many wonderfully straightforward passages on this.

Unfortunately, many of us choose to not completely leave our old ways behind, because, let's face it, some of those ways are just so darned fun. And this following Christ bit...? It sounds like we won't get to do much fun stuff along the way, so we'll need to pack a little bag of the old to take with us, just in case we're right.

But any retention of the old things of self really messes up the new things in Christ.

I like Irish Spring soap. (Even rendered that sentence in green in its honor.) I love the original flavor, not Aloe scent or Action Sport or whatever thing they've come up with now to compete with other brands. Just plain ol' Original Irish Spring soap. And yes, I'll guarantee that it has a flavor, although I've not tasted it; I've only smelled it.

Having said all that, I used to like Irish Spring soap more than I like it now. Matter of fact, only nine days ago it was like soap utopia to me (Usoapia? or maybe Soapri La?) -- a blend of perfect smells. Now, though, this soap is more along the lines of, "It'll work but I don't love it." Here's why...

I took my hallowed Irish Spring soap to Haiti when our team went last Tuesday. I reasoned that if I were going to a place where I'd stink of B.O. because of potential sweat issues, having along the perfect soap would at least make a fresh, clean dent in the smell. For a couple of hours, anyway. That proved to be true! But here's the rest of the story...

Sarah the Haitian Mission Team Guru noted on our first day in Haiti that we needed to take "Haitian showers." This is how I'd render the step-by-step process of taking a Haitian Shower:

1. turn the non-heated water (that's all shower water) on
2. get wet
3. turn the water off to soap/shampoo
4. turn the cold water back on to rinse. Sure, you can turn on the "hot" water, too, but it won't really matter because it's the same temperature as the "cold" water.

Given this, I new right away that typical showers in Haiti are different from typical showers in the USA.

Because of this mental note, when I saw standing water in the bottom of the shower stall on the first evening, I reasoned that Haitian drains were typically backed up due to lack of USA-like plumbing. I was thinking, "Wow, this is disgusting" as my foot went into the standing water. I repeated the process daily, and since the water for washing in Haiti actually doesn't smell terribly good, the standing water really didn't smell good. Every day I'd grab the soap and think, "Irish Spring, help me out here," and it would always offer me a respite from the bad smell of the water at my feet. Every little break from the smell was good.

It wasn't until day eight, I think, that I found out that Haiti has a problem that the USA has. It's called "hair is stopping up the drain." That's a disgusting problem to fix, but it takes all of 30 seconds or so if the hair is close to the surface of the drain. I'd taken every single shower under the assumption that I could do nothing to fix the standing water problem. It could be that the hair thing just amplified an existing drainage problem, but I hadn't even checked. I felt silly.

I got home a little after midnight on Wednesday morning and took the long, hot shower I'd been looking forward to. The problem was that when I grabbed the Irish Spring and smelled it, I immediately mentally "experienced" the smell of dirty standing water. Yep, it's true. Now the smell of Irish Spring takes me back to one of those not-so-special-smelling times in Haiti.

The standing water represents the old nature of a believer. Irish Spring represents the Holy Spirit. After we "commit" our lives to following Christ but no effort is made to actually repent -- not just to move forward with a new outlook, but to intentionally remove the old things -- the experience (dare I say "experience"? I can't think of a better one here) of new life in Christ is horribly tainted. So tainted, in fact, that the good things that He gives us may be scarred because of the old things we wouldn't let go of.

I can think of a number of real-world examples of this principle. How about you?

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God Speaks in Dreams, in Visions of the Night

A passage my mom used to read to me as a child:

For God speaks again and again,
     though people do not recognize it.
He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night,
     when deep sleep falls on people
     as they lie in their beds.
He whispers in their ears
     and terrifies them with warnings.
He makes them turn from doing wrong;
     he keeps them from pride.
- Job 33:14-17 (NLT)

I just awoke from a dream in which I was having a conversation with my dad when he was 21. We didn't talk about anything particularly weighty; matter of fact, I don't even know what we were talking about. I just had the chance to have a conversation with him before I'd introduced him to things like kids and gray hair.

It dawned on me while I listened that I was almost twice the age of this guy I was talking to, and that I actually was probably wiser than my dad as he was at this point. And then I realized that he would gain some of his wisdom over the upcoming years at the merciless hands of his son.

I saw that he didn't have any wrinkles, and that he still had the spark and the blissful naïveté of youth. Though I've certainly realized it before, I think that it was at that moment -- in my dream -- that I had the big epiphany that most adults probably eventually have: I made my parents' lives into something akin to hell (I somehow saw this in reverse as a teenager). I wanted to give my dad and mom their youth back and say, "Here, you can enjoy it this time around. I'll stay out of the way." But of course, I can't do that.

I wonder if I'm still doing that to anyone -- making their life far more difficult than it ought to be because I'm being self-centered or living my life without the heart of a servant.

"Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions." (1 John 3:18, NLT)

I'm sorry, Dad and Mom. And to the rest of you, I'll do better.

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Arrogance for Jesus

It isn't very often that I write a post about my personal life. At least, not one of those "confess your faults" posts. This is one of those.

Here's what I haven't been doing: I haven't taken shots at anyone in particular. I haven't been speaking or thinking badly about anyone. I haven't been thinking condescendingly about any specific person or idea.

It's a really good thing to be secure in your walk with Christ. It's not so good, however, when you feel like you've hit the main power line with God but maybe some people around you haven't (and for those of you who know me personally, no, I'm not talking about you -- this is not a post about some specific situation). There are some things that are immovable; factual; things that leave no room for question or opinion. But there have been some areas lately where I believe I've thought in the back of my mind that since I've been spending a good deal of time with God, I must know the right answer in almost any situation where there's a question. I'm not talking about leadership decisions. A leader has to be certain that he's heard from God and that it's important to move forward even if it's not the most popular thing to do. I'm talking about the attitude that simply says, "I am right."

And man, oh, man, that can be big-time arrogant, because in order to come up with that thought, most often the underlying assumption has to be that others haven't been spending as much time with God -- that surely they aren't as "enlightened" as I. And with that line of thinking, although I hadn't put it into so many words or thoughts until just now, I'm violating Scriptures like 1 Corinthians 13:4 and Philippians 2:3 (a verse I seem to reference here about every three or four posts).

I think this attitude may be rampant in the Church, but even that idea kicks the superiority complex back into high gear and perpetuates the "I am right" cycle. Today is the day I confess my participation in it, ask for forgiveness, and move on in the other direction. It isn't fun to confess your faults, but there you have it.

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Molded Food, National Geographic, and Sin

As I cleaned out our refrigerator the other day, I found some things in it that I thought didn't really exist: beef that smelled like fish, salad that had become something like a meat product, and a rather old dish of... ah... beans, I think.

And that prompted me to think. I surmised that a bowl of moldy beans is like a box of National Geographic magazines. I think most of you already know that, but I'll elaborate: the longer a bowl of food sits in the refrigerator, the more fuzz and unusual growth it accumulates. The longer a box of National Geographic magazines sits in your floor, the heavier it gets. Don't believe me on that last one? Put a stack of National Geographics in a box, let it sit there for a week or two, and see how it exponentially accumulates weight by the time you're ready to move it.

When I refused to confess my sin,
    my body wasted away,
    and I groaned all day long.
Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.
    My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.
Finally, I confessed all my sins to you
    and stopped trying to hide my guilt.
I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.”
    And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
- Psalm 32:3-5 (NLT)

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

- Hebrews 12:1 (NLT)

Don't think about these Scriptures in a way that says, "Yep, isn't that the truth..." Instead, think about what it is in your own life that needs to be stripped away. What's accumulated? What's the rebellion that you need to confess and then intentionally neglect forever? Anger? Resentment of a family member? Pornography? Frustration with your spouse, a co-worker, or a church leader? Worrying about finances?

Throw out the moldy beans: stop it, confess it, and don't do it anymore.

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Squishy Floating Cat Food

I'm a very humane, tolerant pet owner. I let Jesse the Cat walk on my stomach even though it hurts, I let him scratch his face against my goatee, and things like that. I get upset with him only when he bites and claws my ankles (which is usually a cry for attention) or attacks things with wires (like game controllers or speakers).

I was giving Jesse the Cat some food and water the other day and noticed that there were some mostly unappetizing chunks of food (the once-dry kind) floating around in the water dish.

(I need to make an aside here to note that I'm one of those people who thinks that dog food smells really good and cat food smells pretty good, so when I say "mostly unappetizing," it comes from the standpoint of actually thinking that it could potentially be good-tasting if one were really, really hungry.)

Rather than putting fresh water in with the disgusting floating catfoodbergs, I did the humane thing and emptied the dish and wiped it out, then filled it with fresh water.

I think that filling the water dish with good water without cleaning out the spongy chunks of food would be similar a couple of things: 1) a Christian attempting to clean up his act by doing good things without going to the source of the problem, 2) a person who points to the problems of others without caring, or maybe even noticing, that he is personally riddled with sin.

Jesus said this:

"What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy—full of greed and self-indulgence! You blind Pharisee! First wash the inside of the cup and the dish, and then the outside will become clean, too.

"What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs—beautiful on the outside but filled on the inside with dead people’s bones and all sorts of impurity. Outwardly you look like righteous people, but inwardly your hearts are filled with hypocrisy and lawlessness." (Matthew 23:25-28, NLT)

You know what? Jesus said these words to the religious leaders; those people who supposedly set the standard for others to follow. We in the Church see ourselves as the standard for others to follow, don't we? How often do Jesus' words apply directly to us?

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