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03 June 2011

Not Necessarily Needed?

I'm going through a place where I feel like I should be doing something. I'm not quite sure what, though.
I feel as though, if I don't do anything, my friends, my family, and my Church family will not only fail to grow stronger in Christ, but will they weaken, crack, and eventually fragment. Shouldn't I be teaching deep spiritual truths? Explaining the mystery of Christ in a way that will turn heads? Speaking out against religious hypocrisy? Giving an irrefutable apologetic for organic Church life? Pulling some previously-unrealized message out of a well-known parable Jesus gave? Writing a cutting-edge article or book for Jesus that will suddenly and overwhelmingly redefine American Christianity?
But I realize that even if I were capable of these feats, none is right; not now, at least. So I sit, wallowing in my own inaction, because the Holy Spirit is not in any of those things for me. Matter of fact, I feel pretty certain that there's instruction not to do (or try) any of those things.
Candidly, this makes me feel useless. It gives me the sense that any good influence I may have had on people for the sake of Christ is quickly fading. It chips away large chunks of self-esteem. There are spiritual plateaus, and I'm walking on one right now. I almost feel like God is not talking to me.
I'm not depressed, and I'm not back-sliding. I'm just here.
Maybe the reason God doesn't intend for me to do any of the things I mentioned is that they all feature me. What can I do? Because, of course, if I don't do something for Jesus, all will be lost.
You know, that is so arrogant. Maybe that's why God has me here right now... To remind me that I'm the one who needs Him, not the other way around.


Christy said...

I have been feeling the same way lately. Well, sort of. I guess to more accurately describe my situation is that I have "felt" the Holy Spirit trying to tell me something that I think is of great significance, but I haven't been able to decipher what it is. I only know that I feel my Spirit yearning for - something.
I shared this with my good friend, Cynthia Skidmore. She said something that really made me think. She told me that maybe God just wants me to enjoy the relationship I have with Him, and just BE with Him. Just relish His presence with me and within me. I thought, WOW! I don't think I've ever really done that! So, I've been trying to follow her advice and just simply enjoy being with the Lord, and stop trying to get something out of Him or find out what He wants me to do. Just, and we've made it a cliche, I think, "Be still and know that He is God" - and that God is WITH ME!!

After I finally got it, I couldn't help but laught at myself because it's classic "Christy" to take something so easy and make it difficult for myself.

Praying for you, Brother!

PS Sons of Korah help me a great deal:

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